hello kitty =D

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Met KL today. For a long time since we last met. I was happy to see her. Well she has aged quite abit and the signs of stress shown on her face. Had a simple lunch and long talk. She remembered we first met at the pub where we worked. It was in the year 1999. Gosh at that time I was only 24!! Lol.

Anyway after talking about DC. All she told me was that since that person do not know how to appreciate, I shouldn't feel sad and move on. At that point she also hope that I will be strong and have back that confidence I always have in me. She also told me she warned me but she was surprised that DC and I could last that long cause, knowing DC's character, her rs never lasted that long.

Anyway it's over and I told her I will not want dwell on it that much. She said after all these years, she realised that I have matured and not that little yaya papaya girl she known. Yeap I told her humans sure change and the changes I made was initially because of DC.

Well was still glad to met up with this old friend of mine. In fact she still very much the same, naggy but caring as usual. She is always full of encouragement. Haha. But she did dare me and told me, if DC ever came back, I sure soft hearted and will accept her back. Haiyoh I told her I will not want cause I do not want to be hurt by her yet again. Oh well, I just want to continue to keep in contact with this old flame..oops I mean Old friend of mine. Haha!

kittylover feeling feeling at 11:25 PM

Chapter Closed

Come to think of it, it's really comical. I talked to friends and I realised I do not have any hatred nor anger when I talked about the matter. In fact, I am only relieved it's over, and I do not wish to dwell on it anymore. Yes I have moved on and slowly forgetting the pain and hurt. Congrats Dina, You have once moved over. Another chapter has closed. Time to start another chapter in my life. :)

kittylover feeling feeling at 3:10 AM

Friday, March 30, 2012

Mum asked me about DC again cause Jon told her about our breakup. Damn! Why are people so kpo and even spread nonsense? Best my mum could point the finger at me saying well must be you fat and ugly and old right? So that is why ppl run away? She even told my sister that she is surprised DC can tahan me for 7yrs. Come on!! Like I never tolerate her nonsense? Why are things always this unfair?? Of its my sis or bro, she wouldn't say that. From young she is one Mun who doesn't hug or kiss me. She always feel that I should be very independent. Hence at the age of 7 onwards, my mum can throw my baby sis n bro to me at home to take care while she goes shopping. Please do not get me wrong. I love my mum. But sometimes I wish she could show more care and concern for me. No need much, just a simple 'don't worry, everything will be fine.' is more than enough....

kittylover feeling feeling at 2:27 PM

Happily Ever After?

Week has passed and I have learn to let it go and not think of it. Well not totally but at least it does not hurt that very much.

Arranged to meet an old time buddy this sat just to catchup. Ironically KL was DC's buddy in army and I used to like KL. But fate has it that in the end I ended up with DC instead of KL. Just how funny fate made fun of people sometimes. Actually if I din knw KL, I wouldn't have known DC.

Anyway, happily ever after only happens to fairy tales. Happily ever after will not happen to me. Not near future. Even DC also tells me, love is never forever. It will die off eventually. Yes to start all over to trust love and another person is going be very difficult for me.

kittylover feeling feeling at 1:37 AM

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Someone called me today to invite me for a restaurant opening. The first thought that came to my mind was will they call DC and then she will bring the new slut along?? Crazy thoughts right?? I immediately told them I can't go and faster wash away all the thoughts. Well at least now I have a clear mind and not to do anything stupid or crazy anymore. HaiZzz

kittylover feeling feeling at 12:14 PM

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

感触

一段烂掉的感情，没有需要你那么伟大的去求回来。对！每次都是我在哀求。我不会在那么笨了。与其为一个不爱我的人哭泣，为爱我的人笑一个不是根好！伤口多痛都会癒合。但是我一定要记住为什么那么痛。这样才会勇敢的站起来而继续走下去。

很多朋友都认为我是很坚强，其实我只不过是个很普通的女人。我虽然外表看起来疯疯颠颠，其实我很希望那个爱我的人会保护我，照顾我的和关心我。很可惜的是，我遇见的那两位到最后伤害了我。我不可以说我没错。就当是缘分已尽，我没这福份。算了，我还是自己一个人好了。至少这样我不会在受到伤害。人生还是要过，而要过得快快乐乐！

kittylover feeling feeling at 11:52 PM

I am slowly recovering from the pain and hurt. I have deleted all the messages I had in my phone. The only thing I didn't wish to delete was her number and pictures of us.

Insomnia hits me quite often if I do not take the painkillers at night. And it's always at this timing I start to think of stuff and her. Yes I do admit deep down I still miss her bit like I said, I am not crying now..ok maybe a few drops of tears and then I will wipe it off and get over it.

Yes as days go by, I am feeling better already. Thanks to friends' support and of course this blog where I can let off any emotions. Though no one reads anything here anymore, I will not forget this little space of mine. Ok 加油咯 Dina! I am sure I can!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 4:33 AM

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Love is like a bouquet of flowers

Love is like a bouquet of flowers, always so sweet and beautiful. After awhile, you still need to water it and hope it stays. But nothing is forever. Flowers will eventually wilt and die and that's when you just dump it away. Like love, everything is so sweet and beautiful. After awhile both have to make effort to keep it alive if not, it will just die off and then both parties just part and throw it away.

kittylover feeling feeling at 6:20 PM

Monday, March 26, 2012

Even after all you have done, I might be angry. But deep down I still can't bring myself to hate you. Even after all the lies you spun about me, deep down I cannot bring myself to forget you. But in time to come, all these pinnings of you will be gone cause, you did not cherish, you did not love and you did not bother. At least now I am not crying. At least I am getting stronger and yes, you will soon be the past that will be swept under the carpet and be forgotten.

kittylover feeling feeling at 11:29 PM

RIP Nan n Yat

Yes I have again lost two friends. We might not be very close but still we did had fun clubbing together. I even met Nan just two weeks ago!

But heaven has decided to take them back and make them guardian angels. Just so funny how people who deserves death is still around and those who doesn't can't stay. Guess like what the old people always say, "bad people will always stay behind because they still got debts to repay or they have yet suffer enough for the bad deeds they did last life."

RIP my dear friends. I will always remember your smiles and laughter. Now you both had gone to a better world. Till we meet, stay happy Nan & Yat. I will miss you both!

kittylover feeling feeling at 4:06 AM

Lies and more lies

Talked to Bernice today and found out that Garfield is coming out soon. Well time passed by so fast! Anyway Bernice told Garfield about Jan so at least she is sort of prepared for it.

And then it came to DC. She told me DC said that while I was overseas, I did not send enough money to cover rental and the dogs. Hello...every month I sent 1k back. And I remembered clearly asking Ginny to ask her hubby to use POSB account to transfer to her and I passed Ginny cash!! And then Bernice knew DC like her but she was very irritated cause it was too close for comfort! She said DC stalked her everyday and even checks on her mobile!! Bernice has no choice so she has to password lock her mobile in order not to let DC check. Crazy Bitch!

Jennifer was right. The more someone presents as a very caring, enduring and no temper person, the more we should be wary of such. These are the people who can really cheat the world cause of the mask they wear everyday!

And Bernice has no need to lie about such things. She also told me Wendy is full of credit card bills herself! Oh well, one wants to look for rich partner and the other is pretending to be rich! No wonder they can be together after 2 weeks. DC is one when she had money, she will never appreciate those who have helped her. She will want seek thrills and comforts in life. Oh well, good riddance anyway. So glad she is out! One fine day when she realise who her true friends are and how she gotten help before, it will already be too late! Cause you dumped me when I was in the most down and out period. You showed me no mercy. So do not come begging TXF or me when you are down and out cause, you created it yourself. You destroyed everything yourself. So do not blame anyone but yourself. Good Luck DC. Karma will get you!!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 3:47 AM

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Just A Wish

Yes what is over is over. I do know that theory. After talking to Jen just now, she made me realise that maybe it isn't that DC do not want to be my friend. Being so heartless to me, she may just want me to move on quickly. That I know too. But all I want is to be a friend. I never ask for much. Just a friend whom I can still talk to sometimes. Yes I know you are attached but I never said anything of going back to you or even share with your new gal. All I wanted is a friend who can care and show concern cause I really treasure this friendship.

But I know this might be wishful thinking on my end. Even she does accept me back as a friend, it might take a long time or maybe never. Guess i'll leave it to fate. If we were to ever cross roads, we will meet again. If not, then best of luck to you.

kittylover feeling feeling at 1:21 AM

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Is this the end? Is this the last? I do not know. Mind is blank. And I have nothing. Maybe it's time to really end everything.

kittylover feeling feeling at 3:34 PM

Avoid

Why can't you just meet me and we talk to end it nicely? I really want to get out and get on. You simply just refused and avoided me at all cost. Is that really necessary? I want to go on with my life. I want to seek peace too. I do not want to be in depression and misery. Please just end this once and for all so that I can live.

kittylover feeling feeling at 9:52 AM

我好累，我什么希望都没有，梦想根不用说。人生失去了意义。钱也没有，工作也没有，只有一个半废的脚，和一队的账单都许要钱来还。我连哭都没感觉，没意义。我真不想在走下去。可以不要在折磨我了吗？我快熬不住了。我不董我几时会不想就跳下去。让一切就这样结束。

kittylover feeling feeling at 1:41 AM

Friday, March 23, 2012

What you owe me, you will never be able to repay me. For the hurt you have cause and ruining my life, you will regret ever doing that! Cause I believe in Karma. For all that you have done, you will never find proper happiness. Best let you have a taste of your own medicine. When you get cheated and get thrown in a lurch, you will then regret ever doing this to me. I will wait for this day to come. By then seeing you in shit, that shall make me so happy. Yes the day will come. I shall see how this new slut of yours ruin your life!! Trust me she is no saint cause she loves only $$$$. Think she will stick by you thru good n bad times? We shall see. DC you are so digging your own grave!!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 2:52 PM

不要脸

Dc you are such a fucker. Within one week, help ppl change bed sheets and stay over. You seriously think she is going to stick by you? Buy shoes for people somemore!! Asshole!! So great go tell your new gal pay up all your debts and credit card bills!!

So how is the new pussy? Good to fuck? Oh yeah plus instantly become father. So nice right? Buy 1 get 1 free.I see how you going to rear your new family now ok. All the bullshit and crap. All the lies you gave me. I believe in karma. You know what you did. Everyone got eyes to see. I shall see how long you will last. Damn you!!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 2:49 AM

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Operatio

The operationwas a success. Although I was in a lot of pain, I still manage to wake up and ate my dinner. Even though I was giddy n drowsy, I still manage to talk to my friends who came to visit me. And even MSG those who were waiting for my news.

Appreciate all the well wishes n visits. Although I knw she will not appear, I was still secretly wishing she would come. Anyway she didn't as expected. Luckily I was in pain n drowsy so it did not really affect me.

The pain is still kinda unbearable. Taking two types of painkillers did not help much. Plus now I can't move around, I had to learn how to use the crutch. It wasn't easy and I nearly fell. Anyway it just need some time to get used to it.

To make matters worse, Deedee was sick and needed to stay at the vet. Do not know why so much problems all have to happen at the same time. Bj said up there is trying to put me thru test to make me a stronger woman. I don't want anything except to be smooth sailing and be happy. Hopefully this bad streak will end soon.

kittylover feeling feeling at 11:40 PM

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Would you even care?

Everyone send their wishes and prayers. What about you? Did I ever cross your mind? Would you even care? I don't think so....

kittylover feeling feeling at 8:42 AM

Operation

Operation will be later at 1pm today, honestly even though it's a minor op, I am still afraid. Guess with age, you are just afraid of death.

But I am glad there are a lot of friends and my family who will be there supporting me. Now I received quite a few well wishes and all saying that they will pray for me. Thank you all. I know I will be fine.

But there are still some risks. And if really anything happens to me, please know that I always love you all no matter what. I never regretted knowing you guys. Please do take good care and go see my precious three rascals. I seriously hope they will taken very good care of. Lastly, auction away all the Hello Kitties I have and donate the money to the animal shelters. One quarter goes to my family. One quarter goes to my dogs. One quarter goes to TXF. And the rest to the animal shelters. I know it's not much but that's the best I can do for all. Alas I really hope this post will not have to come to light la...but better say first just in case. Cause you never know what will happen.

Anyway I am leaving it all to my doctor and the mighty one up there tomorrow! Wish me luck k!!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 1:51 AM

Monday, March 19, 2012

So many Whys.

Why do you have to make it so nasty? Why do you have to end it so messy? Why do you have to forsake all the people who helped you before? Why have you got to change so much? Why aren't you abit remorseful of what you have done? Why Do you have to ruin my life? Why can't you even have abit of compassion for me? Why why why?????

kittylover feeling feeling at 2:07 AM

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Best Wishes

Went clubbing with my friends. Been such a long time I clubbed straight for two days. Ppl still asked about you and all I said was we have parted ways. Yes a lot were shocked but no matter what it happened.

Then they asked why. Honestly I told them cause love is over and it better for us to part ways. No I do not bear any hatred nor grudges. I told myself that being able to know you and be together with you were my happiest days. Alas it's over and we both have moved on. Reminiscing old days were always sweet and these shall always be my best memories. Thank you so much for what you have done. Like I said, I sincerely wish you all the best and most importantly happiness. Hopefully one day, you will be able to treat me as a good friend. Nights!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 6:03 AM

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Condemn

Till now there is no news at all. You are so afraid you even deleted me off your watsapp so that you feel I can do not disturb you or 'stalk' you.

I am really disappointed that after so many years, you think of me this way. Am I really being condemned and will no longer to be able to treat each other as friends anymore? Guess so. No one cares about your goods. They only see your bads and even magnify them so that they feel better condemning you. So sad but true...

kittylover feeling feeling at 1:22 PM

Went dinner and then to Play with my secondary school buddies. Had a fair bit of fun after quite a long time. Met a few old friends.

Somehow deep down its different now. Noris talked to me and it did made sense. He told me that we should carry on and be our Ownself, he said the first year he knew me, I was beautiful. Second year I was fabulous n third year I was glowing. But after that he couldn't see that anymore cause somehow ppl tend to loose themselves after being in a relationship. He told me to go and regain myself and start knowing myself n learn to be me again. He wants to see the fabulously glowing me again. He even said ppl who tend to forsake us now will regret it one day cause they will soon realise they have given up the best. But when that day comes, you have already moved on happily being yourself. Yes the greatest revenge is not to get even. Is to live better so that the person will regret losing you.

Yes it made sense. Even though there are lots of things n places which I find memories, I must learn to go on. Tough as it may be but after this hurdle, I will be fine. Life goes on and this will just be the spice of life.

kittylover feeling feeling at 3:33 AM

Friday, March 16, 2012

Sorry

Actually after going through so much these few days, I have thought it through. Maybe I was too dependant on her. I should not bother her anymore cause it not only will not do both of us good, it will also cause hurt to each of us.

I must say she has done her part when she was with me. She carried the burden for such a long time. Given to most people in her shoes, most would have ran away. I really thank her from the bottom of my heart. No matter what, giving her freedom is also a kind of happiness. Sorry for reacting so weird. Whether you opt to be a friend or not, you are not forgotten and will always be someone special in my heart.

kittylover feeling feeling at 1:20 AM

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Emptiness

Really hate feelin empty. But there's nothing I can do about it. Heart now had a big hole which hurts from time to time. I know time will heal it but I just can't help it! The more I tell myself not to think, the more flashbacks n memories appear.

Yes I do miss. But what is over IS over. No point talking about it cause it will never come back. Like sand slipping through your hand, you will never be able to catch it back. Hope as time goes by, I will be able to cheer up. I have not felt so depressed since 8yrs ago. I want to feel like dying most of the time or just give up on everything. I know I must chin up and move on but, it ain't easy! Lucky thing I have lots of friends' support. But somehow, there are a lot of stuff which I can't really explain to them. Guess its really messy when it comes to affairs of the heart!

Anyway I will move on. And I promised to not do stupid things. Life still goes on..I will continue to cheer up and hopefully find the courage I lost.

kittylover feeling feeling at 11:36 AM

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

支持与鼓励

我好感激我有一般很关心，很支持我的朋友。在我觉得无助和难熬时，他们就会鼓励我。还会默默支持我，来看我，和我出去吃饭，聊天。谢谢你们！我会好起来的！

kittylover feeling feeling at 4:24 PM

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Accusations!

Watsapp me and accused that I stalk her and her friends!!What bullshit!! Why don't you say if there are nothing to hide, you wouldn't even bother whether I am stalking you or not? And it's scary how you behave like a blardy young kid. Honestly, you are afraid that I just appear and then create drama for you? That is how you think of me!!

All these years you have never trusted me and even scrutinise me and my character. Yes you are now well off, even to the fact of buying new equipment and stuff for yourself. Giving treats to ALL your new found friends and start to be really HEALTHY!! But do not forget, when you are fucking down n out, who was the fat n ugly idiot that stood by you? Who was the one who went and find friends to help us out? What happened to YOUR friends??

Anyway you will not feel guilty cause you start your crap of going back to your so called 'high' class society. Drinking, eating and being HEALTHY so that more little young girls will like you and even treat you like an idol!! What on earth happened to taking care of you is now you are non of my business!! If I ever wanted to stalk you n give you drama, you will suffer more cause you cheated my feelings for a lOng time. By not loving me at all and pretending to love me. Then why didnt you continue with the lie? Oh yes! Because you idolised our dear Bernice!! The one whom your so called best friend's Garfield's lover!! And you still got the cheek to say I am over sensitive and talking nonsense!!

Dawn Chong! I am not an idiot ok! I may act stupid cause of letting you feel superior but I am no bimbo!! Stop accusing me and pushing me to the corner! Or else I will do something which you will regret for the rest of your life! I am left with nothing so I got nothing to loose anyway. I treated you well but you start to treat me like shit right? You better STOP your crap or else!!!!!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 5:44 PM

Monday, March 12, 2012

痛

你不要后悔。逼我上绝路是你。我没有任何希望了。我真的很累了。就让我结束这一切。

kittylover feeling feeling at 6:28 PM

Totally crushed

It's totally over. Not even friends. I feel like killing myself.

kittylover feeling feeling at 4:42 PM

Friday, March 09, 2012

Feeling Blue...

Just feeling so disappointed. When all the promises of taking care of me is all broken once again. Seriously when the person no longer cares, it all shows. What you ask or say becomes so irritating. Even the sight of you irks the person.

Operation date is set. Even though it's not so major, the fear is still in me. Oh well, take it as another big test up there is putting me through again. Hopefully I will be able to pull through and able to live better. I got nothing much to hope for anyway. And hope I will be feeling much better after all these. Like what she always say, things happen for a reason!

kittylover feeling feeling at 9:16 PM

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Disappointment

I am going to get my report for the scan today. Was casually asking if DC wanted to accompany me to the hospital. All I get from the reply was only one word. NO. No explanation, no reasons. I was really stupid to even ask. Cause when that person do not have feelings for you anymore, whatever you ask is a trouble. All the crap about caring for you like a family is all bullshit!!

All I know is that I shouldn't even think about it. She will not bother anymore cause there are more important things to do like go cycling, go gossip about ppl's fb, go bitch about ppl's new love. Honestly what am I now? Just a sucker who still care do much even though she cheated my feelings for so many years. Yes it's cheat. Even though she did not go have another gal, she still hid her feelings from me cause she claimed she do not love me since three - four years ago. I knew I shouldn't even think any more. What is over is over. But for me a promise is a promise. You promised me you will care about me no matter what, then do it! Don't because at that moment you can't wait to get rid of me that is why you make empty promises!!! I simply hate liers! Do not promise me if you can't do it!!

kittylover feeling feeling at 2:12 PM