hello kitty =D

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's been raining the whole day and somehow the weather fits my emotions right now....WET! Guess because tomorrow is Monday and I am suffering pre-monday blues.

Alot of people have been asking me how is my new job...well all I can tell them is either ok to brush it aside...needless to say, I am definately not enjoying myself at this present job but no choice I just got to stick with it. Everyday I dread..no its I HATE to go to work...having to face all the 'plastic' people and then having to fight the 'war'...in a big MNC, everyone is for themselves....in the company all the full-time staff really play the game well and know how to cover their asses...luckily there are some part-time staff who are less 'plastic' and at least these are the people that I can go out lunch with....guess I have so many years of working experience and also been through so many big companies, the more things I see, the more I feel its so 'plastic' and I am getting really disgusted.

Do not know why I am feeling like that...Joan told me I am getting so depressed that I am like giving up on everything...I wish I could....I wish I could just sleep and then never wake up having to face everything...

Of course that is not possible. Life still have to go on no matter what...I fear...I fear for so much...I fear I do not know what I have to face tomorrow when I go to work....I Fear I got no place to stay after moving out of here....I Fear people telling me to give up my dogs since I got no place to stay...I Fear I will not have enough money to pay for all the debts I am in...I Fear when D.C goes back home, I will be all alone to face everything for myself and we will not be as close like before...all these fears all so in me that I do not know how to cope with them...I never like to cry but all these while in the night when I am with the lappie alone, I will drop tears...it's really painful cause no one understands....people will always think I am just being idiotic or I think too much...my close friends can only try to cheer me up and try to tell me not to think...not that I do not appreciate what they did...I do. But it's just that deep down, all these fears are creeping up time to time that I get nightmares and have never been able to sleep well....

Well...life goes on like I always say...the only thing that I can do is to hope...I do not want to mentally breakdown and then do something silly.....I really do not want to...

kittylover feeling feeling at 11:40 PM